How I Talked To My Daughters About Sex

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One Mom's experience with the birds and the bees and why it worked. I knew it was time.  We were starting to get some deep-hearted questions and I could feel something within me anticipate what every mom forgets she’ll have the responsibility of doing:  giving “THE TALK”.  My oldest daughter had recently been baptized at age 8, and I could feel the “mother tugs” that I needed to take action.

I spent a lot of time considering how I could best do this.  I spent time reading articles and I spent hours at the bookstore.  I was amazed at what was available.  Many books with great information and even pictures to help communicate everything from where babies came from to what to do if you become pregnant. (Huh?  Kind of interesting, I know.)  I looked within resources within my church and books authored by those whose standards reflect my own.  What I found were great pockets of information in most of the books, but not ONE resource that reflected all that I had hoped to share or hoped to convey.  And some just offered way too much information that I didn’t need to share.  How would I be able to know just how much my daughter’s heart and mind could handle?

I chose to make it a matter of prayer.  I knew God would bless me in my efforts and help me communicate exactly what was right for her if I sincerely asked.  I felt inspired and guided through the entire experience.

I hope that we might inspire you in your efforts to teach your children about the birds and the bees!  I don’t think there is any specific age that is ideal.  Children are ready for things at different times, but I have found around 8 and 9 they can understand everything that needs understanding.

First, I made a special invitation with similar wording to invite my daughter to brunch with me:

”You are invited to an AMAZING DAY with Mom.  {Day, Date, Time.}  We will go have brunch and spend the day talking about some AMAZING things.  Please wear your baptism dress because this is an extra special occasion.”

I had support from my husband with the other kids and we set aside several hours for everything.  I focused on the AMAZING part of things and kept things really upbeat.  I purposely chose the Saturday right before Mother’s Day. (reasoning coming…)

How to talk to your daughter about sex. Here we are starting out.  We grabbed a quick picture and then we were off!

How to talk to your daughter about sex. We went to one of my favorite luncheon places in Scottsdale called Arcadia Farms.  I asked to sit on the back patio and we enjoyed a quaint, little, intimate experience.  I used the time to compliment my daughter on “How much she’s growing up” and “How proud I am of her” etc. while we were waiting for the food. {No sex talk just yet}

My Mom had just recently been diagnosed with breast cancer and lived a state away.  This little bird was just hanging around our table and I remember feeling an overwhelming sense that this little bird was symbolic of her being there and helping me.  Love that!

How to talk to your daughter about sex.

After brunch, we walked across the street to a little courtyard, sat down on the grass, and I helped prepare her heart and mind for what we were about to talk about. (“We’re going to talk about something so special and so AMAZING…”) I pulled out 5 books that I had chosen to teach from.  I had marked various sections and phrasing that fit with what I had hoped to teach from each book–leaving out things I didn’t feel were necessary or appropriate.   How to talk to your daughter about sex.

Here are the names of the books: (1) It’s So Amazing by Robie H. Harris (2) The Care and Keeping of You by The American Girl Doll Library (3) How Are Babies Made? by Usborne (4) Growing Up by Brad Wilcox (5) How to Talk to your child about sex by Linda and Richard Eyre.

We spent a lot of time.  I asked her questions along the way to check and make sure she was understanding.  I talked about everything I felt like she could handle.  I purposely left out a few things but that’s only because they are just plain gross and I don’t even talk about those things as an adult or didn’t agree or feel the need to teach those things to my child.  Otherwise, I used specific and appropriate wording to explain about things, making bridges with prior connections of things we hadn’t used the appropriate wording for.

How to talk to your daughter about sex. At the end of the discussion, we talked specifically about the beauties of procreation and the importance of saving those AMAZING and procreative powers for when she was a wife and mother.  (I talked here about the connection of Mother’s Day)   I used the opportunity to do something that my parents did for the children in our family.  Basically in a nutshell, it’s an agreement between us as parents and our children, signifying if you refrain from the use of drugs, alcohol, premarital sex and or promiscuity and live a clean, moral life up to the age of 20, we’d give that child *$1,000.00 (*PLEASE READ ADDENDUMS 1 and 2 BELOW THIS POST) as an ultimate reward for positive behavior.

How to talk to your daughter about sex. We signed the contract and I gave her a hand-stamped necklace that had her initial, a fresh water pearl and the word “promise”.  We talked about the symbolism of the necklace, that it was symbolic of the special agreement (or promise) in the contract and the important understanding that she was to try and live a clean and virtuous life.

Overall we had a special experience talking.  I left the door wide open for her to ask any other questions additionally as they came from day to day, and I felt a sense of satisfaction that what I had shared were the right things for her to hear.  We’ve since had open and beautiful little snippets of conversation when needed.

All of this worked so well, that when my #2 was old enough three years later, we shared a similar time together.  She was recently baptized, and Mother’s Day rolled around.  I can honestly say I had just as special and tender experience with this one.

How to talk to your daughter about sex. We started out with an invitation and picture.

How to talk to your daughter about sex. Breakfast, and would you believe, a bird?  Yes.

How to talk to your daughter about sex. Special time to visit.  And a little drive to somewhere important where we could talk quietly and peacefully without other distractions.

How to talk to your daughter about sex. This process really worked for me as a mother as I have found my girls coming to me when questions arise and not searching elsewhere for answers they are curious about.  I’ve laid it all out there for them and they know I can be a trusted source to tell them the right thing.

I hope it brings you some insight into how you too might be able to talk about these important things with your children.

(*) ADDENDUM #1:  Thank you so much for your many comments, emails and those asking for a copy of our contract.  And thanks to some of you who have voiced concern regarding it as well.  I want to reiterate that this contract is something that worked for me, and that’s why my husband and I chose to do the same.  My parents put it into play precisely because they felt my oldest adopted sister was headed down a long and difficult road and felt like they could do more to help encourage positive behaviors in their younger children. She’s been addicted to drugs longer than not, had 4 children from different men, along with a whole slew of difficult life-changing circumstances that have affected generations.  I can’t even begin to tell you the struggles and challenges and pain she’s endured, and what we’ve experienced as a family because of it.  I want to reiterate that the contract is not meant to be a price put on virtue nor the means to an end-all with our children, but rather an incentive to encourage my children with all positive behaviors during curious years.  As parents and as a society, we reward our children for positive things all of the time, much like a child is rewarded for good grades, or taken to get a treat after making a soccer goal, or being rewarded a scholarship for academic success.  As a mother, I don’t know what road my children are going to take (they will choose as they will)  but I can do all I can to encourage and nurture them down the best road I know, and if that’s a reward for positive behavior, so be it.

(*) ADDENDUM #2: I wrote this post specifically to share ”How I talked to my daughters about sex” (and titled it as such)  not ”How YOU should talk to your daughters about sex.”  Let me reaffirm that this is what I did, and if it inspires YOU in some way or another to have courage to talk about these things, then that is so great.  And let me reaffirm that if it doesn’t work for YOU, then just move on.  Simple as that. Though most comments and emails have been sent favorably (and I am so pleased this is inspiring so many of you!)  I have found it so interesting to see enough people quick to judge me and how I parent, especially in regards to the Atonement of Jesus Christ and how it comes into play with the idea of the contract, and especially when they have not read the contract in full or know me or understand how important this is in my life.

Let me be clear.  (No need to email me or leave comments anymore because I won’t post  them or have the time to answer the emails that come).  First and foremost please know that because I have implemented this incentive by no means lessens our emphasis on the beautiful gift of The Atonement and the Power of Repentance in our family.  I find it interesting that some are quick to judge how “cut and dry” the contract is, when they don’t know me, what sort of parents we are, or how we’ve personally used The Atonement in our lives or how we’re teaching our kids regarding it.  If you were to read the contract in full, you would find there is a phrase that says , ”In the event that ____________ is not able to keep the covenants set forth, the parties will enter into a new agreement to reflect the circumstances at the time…” We’ve absolutely left room for God’s greatest gift to work within it.  I personally don’t think anyone gives “The Talk” and turns around and says, “But you’re going to make mistakes and maybe lose your virginity, so good thing we have The Atonement.”  Talk of The Atonement is talk for another time, and we most certainly have had these discussions and talks with our children.  All of which I don’t feel the desire or need to blog about.

Some of you have asked, “What if…she goes off to college and decides she wants to drink and have sex…” or ” What if she loses her virginity at age 14 and hides it from you because she doesn’t want to tell you…” or other various scenarios.  To that I say: We might very well find ourselves with our kids at age 20, telling us they did or didn’t live up to their end.  But I’d like to think we were less clueless than that, that we’ve been involved in our children’s lives helping them, communicating with them,  and showing them the way as they make mistakes.  Let this be known.  We will determine whether our children deserve it or not, despite circumstances that have arisen, even mistakes they’ve made.  What loving parents wouldn’t want their child, even despite difficulties, to have experienced the joy of having fully repented of a sin, and still enjoying the blessings of a job well done?  It’s a working contract, between parents and child.  And it’s personal.  What we do with our children, their situations, scenarios, experiences, will be determined on their hearts, and where they are in their lives and what they’ve done with The Atonement up until that point.

If you are interested in a copy of the contract and read further regarding this special agreement we’ve chosen to share with our children, please feel free to leave a comment or email me personally at katie@thevintagemother.com.  Thanks.

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167 thoughts on “How I Talked To My Daughters About Sex

  1. Simply beautiful, Katie. This made me tear up–such an incredible experience to have given your daughters. Thanks for sharing!

    • Thanks so much for stopping by Laura. I still think about our conversation years ago when you encouraged me to do this blog. Love you, friend and miss you!

  2. Bravo! I can’t believe how many modern-day moms are hesitant to talk to their own children about the powers of procreation. In the world today, I feel like we had better be open and clear about our stance on morality and virtue because the world is being very clear on its stand for the lack of it. Heavenly Father designed us this way, so I don’t get the embarrassment or hesitance. Anyway, great job on being clear and honest and tying it in with a beautiful momento of the day. I am going to share this on FB for all my chicken friends! G Woolwine, Queen Creek

    • Thanks so much for the post. I couldn’t agree more about the importance of being open and clear. Thank you for sharing it. We hope to influence others for good through our posts here at The Vintage Mother.

  3. Wow, thank you for posting this. My daughter is six and a half and is asking a lot of questions about how her sister Kambria will be coming out of my body in just a few short weeks. I know this conversation is right around the corner and I’ve been on the lookout for the right resources.

    • Hi Nisha. Thanks for your comment! It’s hard to know when the right time is to tell them, but you’ll know! In the meantime, you can hold them off by giving just enough info to satisfy their sweet little hearts and minds. Good luck with your baby! xo

  4. great post Katie. I feel like I deserve a necklace after the sex talk! Remind me to tell you a story about my 17 year old:)

    • Hahah! I love you Mia! I’m already cracking up about the story you haven’t told me. Can’t wait! xoxo

  5. Oh thank you for sharing this! I’ve been thinking about this topic for a while, and I haven’t had that talk yet with Linnae but I know I need to soon. I haven’t quite known where to begin but these ideas definitely give me something to work with!

    • So awesome Chelan! I have all the books if you want to borrow them! Just let me know. xoxo

  6. I would love to see the actual wording of your contract if you don’t mind sharing. I have two daughters who are 8 & 9 and one is getting baptized the 1st of June and I love your suggestions here!

    • Thanks Beth. In my opinion 8 and 9 are the perfect ages. I would be happy to email you the contract. Look for it in the next little bit.

  7. This sound nice and wonderful. I did the same with my daughter. She is now 22. But, kids at school and the world and even at church will be putting the sex talk in to you children everyday. This is why the sex talk doesn’t need to be scary or just a one time talk. It need to be daily. Just as it is in there daily life. I learned this after my daughter turned 22. I guess you don’t know if things really work till your kids are all grown up.

    • Hi Jill. I couldn’t agree with you more. We have to constantly be open to more questions and dialogue as they grow older and as they come home with info from peers! This is just the means to open the ongoing conversation. Thanks for posting!

  8. My daughter turns 8 this summer, so this couldn’t have come at a better time. I’ve been worried about giving her “the talk” so I appreciate your insights on how to make it a positive experience for both mother and daughter. I, too, would love a copy of the contract! Can you email it to me? Thanks so much for posting!!

    • So glad this came timely for you! Thanks for your comment. I would be happy to send you a copy of the contract.

  9. Love the way that you made this amazing and not disgusting. God made sex and the world has made it very ungodly. Thank you for making it precious for your daughters. I too would like a copy of the agreement. I love how you are rewarding them for abstaining. Thank you for standing up for morality in an immoral world.

    • Thank you for your comment! We’re so glad this post is helping Mothers! I would be happy to email you a copy of the contract.

  10. We take a very similar approach and it has been really amazing. I have never heard of the contract. Would you send it to me, too? Thank you! Also, do you have boys? Wondering what their “necklace” will be?

    • So glad to hear you’ve had great success with this approach as well! Happy to send over the contract. Look for it in your email. I have two boys, and one turns 8 next year, so I’m hoping to do another post about this after we do his talk. I’m not sure what my boys’ “necklace” will be but I hope I think of something great before then! If you have any great ideas, I would love to hear them! Thanks for stopping by!

  11. What a sweet experience. Thanks for sharing. It has been on my mind lately as we have decided to discuss it with my daughter next month once school is out. Thanks for the book ideas. I’ll have to check out the American Girl one because it will help to have something familiar. I love the contract idea too. Could you email it to me as well?

    • Thanks for stopping by, Victoria! Glad we gave you some good ideas! Yes, I will email it to you. :)

  12. I wish my mom had done something like this! Instead, she didn’t tell me anything about sex until I was 9 1/2. By then, I had already figured a lot of it out myself, heard it from other people etc. and then when she finally did talk to me about it, I was left with more questions than I had before. Because of the way she told me, and because she had seemed so reluctant to talk about it, I looked for answers elsewhere. Nothing bad happened, but it very well could have. When I have kids, I am going to tell them just the way you did!

    • Thank you so much for sharing this! It’s hard as parents to know what the right time is for your child. By sharing this experience I think it gives us all a better idea of when the timing is right! So glad we’ve given you ideas of what you can do with your own children someday. I really appreciate you stopping by! :)

  13. I would love a copy of the contract to. My daughter is 11 and I am planning a mother-daughter day too. This is exactly what I have been looking for, I just didn’t know it.
    Thank you for sharing your inspiration for your family with us so we can gain, grow and learn from it.

    • Hi Jen, Thanks for stopping by! I am so glad you found what you’ve been looking for! I will email it. And thanks for the compliments! It means so much.

  14. Most of this day sounds absolutely lovely. Today as a young adult I can look back fondly on the day my mother had “The Talk” with me.

    However, I would like to voice a concern to mothers who are planning on entering into the $1000.00 reward contract with their child. (as a sidenote-Katie, different things work for different mothers, not trying to be a nancy-negative or anything!)
    Anyways- My sister and I are two years apart and we had our “Talks” around the same age. Being of religious background it was VERY centered on abstinence, no masturbation, heterosexuality, etc.

    Although we were provided with the same information and consequences, we led very different adolescences. I held on to what my mother taught me for whatever reason. My sister became pregnant at 15 and had an abortion, and again at 17 and kept the child.

    My point to this, is that I am turning 22 this year. If I received $1000.00 for my “virtue” I would give it to my sister, and tell her to put it in her 7 year old’s college fund, because the money wouldn’t have changed either of us back then, and today it just adds insult to injury.

    • Hi Mary. Thanks for your comments and perspective. I have to say that my husband and I decided to do this precisely because it did work for me and 4 out of the 6 kids in our family. But you must know that my parents put this into play exactly because my oldest sister was headed down the wrong road and felt like they could do more to help encourage positive behaviors in their other children. She’s been addicted to drugs longer than not, and mothered 4 children from different men. I can’t even begin to tell you the struggles and challenges and pain she’s endured, and what we’ve experienced as a family because of it. So I understand your perspective and so appreciate you voice of concern. I just want to reiterate that the contract was never meant to be a price put on virtue, but rather an incentive that just MIGHT encourage my kids in the long run. As a mother, I don’t know what road my children are going to take, but I can do all I can to encourage and nurture them down a road of positive behavior.

  15. Thank you so much for sharing your experiences with your girls. I know I am at that point of needing to start the conversation with mine and I am so sad to be leaving that little piece of innocence behind. But I really loved how your experience with your girls showed that this can be a wonderful and cherished “graduation” of sorts. Thanks again…time to find a fun luncheon spot here in Houston, Texas.

    • Oh I agree there are so many mixed feelings with this! I couldn’t agree with you more. I think I finally just realized I’d rather me tell them than have them hear things all on their own out there somewhere. Good luck with everything! I’m sure there is a fantastic spot just perfect in Houston! xo

  16. What a wonderful idea! Where did you find your beautiful necklaces? And I would love a copy of your contract!

  17. Excellent article! My daughters are 12 and 7. I’ve had the talk with the 12 year old, and her lessons in YW are helpful and supportive of standards, etc, but I want to have another one with her which includes the contract and the necklace. Something special between her and I and something tangible to help her keep her eyes and heart in the right direction.
    Would you please email me the contract?
    Thank you so much!

    • Thank you Juliana for stopping by. It is so special to signify this time with a symbolic gift so I am so glad you are going to do that. I am going to be posting some places to get necklaces at the bottom of the post, and I’d be happy to email you the contract. Good luck!

  18. Thanks so much for sharing! What a great way to have “The Talk”. Would you send me a copy of the contract.

  19. So funny to find you on pinterest. Not sure if you remember me from high school. I loved the idea of wearing church clothes. I also have been thinking a lot about this lately. My oldest is turning 9 soon and I feel he is ready to have a discussion about this. I have 4 boys and thinking about how to approach this scares me to death. I think boys struggle with very different things than girls. I love the idea of taking them somewhere special. Thanks for sharing!

    • TAREN! Of course I remember you! How are you? How funny you found me on Pinterest. It’s a smaller world than we think, sometimes! My oldest boy turns 8 next year and I know this discussion will need to include some different things when it’s time for him. One thing for sure is that I’ve thought that both my husband and I need to go in together on this one. Ha! Glad we could give you some ideas for when you talk with your boys! TAKE CARE! xo

      • My husband and I are totally doing this together. I really think the boys need both perspectives. On a side note. I am doing awesome. You look beautiful as always and your kids are adorable.

  20. Thank you for sharing how you handled this very sacred yet intimidating conversation…my oldest is just turning nine and I am needing to have this conversation…and would love more than anything for it to be a really special and memorable one. Will you please email me the contract as well? Thanks!

    • I am so glad you stopped by, Heidi. I couldn’t agree with you more. It is special and sacred and intimating all at the same time! I will email you the contract! Good luck in your preparations. Hope everything goes wonderfully!

  21. Thank you for sharing your wonderful ideas! It has definitely helped get my wheels turning:) My oldest daughter is 10 and I have been making similar preparations to have a special mother daughter date. I would love to use some of your ideas and if I could get a copy of the contract that would be great! Thank You!

    • Hi Camilla–so glad you can use some of these ideas to add to your own! I will get the contract sent to you. Good luck!

  22. Thank you for this wonderful wonderful post. I just recently had my first child. She is the center of my world. I want more then anything to have a beautiful relationship with my daughter. A relationship that I dont have with my mother. I did not get much of a sex talk before getting married, lets just say things were not what I expected and I was highly disappointed. Now being a mother I want to cultivate an open relationship with my daughter and help her achieve the very best that she can, even though I know she will choose what she wants. I would love a copy of your contract so that I can do something similar for my daughter someday. Thank you again for this sweet touching story. You are one fantastic mother.

    • Thanks so much for your sweet words, Caitlyn! I love the concept of having open and working relationships with our children. Ultimately they will choose as they will but as parents we can do all we can to lead them down a path of a happy and healthy life. I will get it sent to you! Thanks for stopping by.

  23. I loved THIS! What a blessing you are to your children!
    I’d love a copy of your contract!

  24. wonderful!!! What a sweet, sweet idea. I wonder how you could tailor this for sons and fathers.

    • Thanks Nicole! My oldest son is only 7 so I know it’s coming within the next couple of years. I know I’ll want to include my husband for sure, and I’ll need to obviously emphasize things different than for my girls. I’m trying to think what a symbolic gift might be. I would love to know if you think of any great ideas! Thanks for stopping by!

  25. I loved your post. I would love to do the same with my 8yr of daughter. I would appreciate it if you could email me the contact please?

    • Absolutely! I will email it over. Thanks you for letting me know you loved the post, and for stopping by!

  26. I love this! I think I would incorporate the plan of salvation into it though, I feel they go hand in hand! Making it a special day is awesome! This topic will be burned into their memories because of the sheer magnitude of it, why not make it super super special! LOVE!! The idea of a necklace for girlies is awe-some, maybe a tie tack for a boy? or cuff links (too old fashioned..), keychain?

    • Thanks for your comment Lindsey! Yes! I incorporated that as well (did not blog about it) and I agree. It did make for a beautiful hand in hand experience! Love your ideas for a boy. I have no idea what I’ll do for mine, but I’m already thinking about it. I’ve thought about a special wooden box as well. Thanks for your suggestions and excitement. Let me know if you want a copy of the contract.

  27. This had me in tears! What an incredibly beautiful, thoughtful and special way to share this with your girls! Our daughter, Mackensey, just turned 10 and though we have always been very open and as honest as age allowed…this year has definitely been an eye opener for all of us! She’s too smart for me! I am having a difficult time with exactly how much to share! Though we’ve covered the basics of sex…I feel like she’s heard more from kids at school. I am going to buy up those books and make notes for myself and really put together something comprehensive. Then plan our special day! Exactly how far into baby making did you go? Also, Id LOVE a copy of the contract! Whether its $1000.00 or something else we come up with, the idea is fantastic. I am also on the search for the necklace!! This just couldn’t have come at a better time! Bless you for sharing this!! I want the importance, both spiritually and emotionally, expressed the right way…for us thats God first. Any suggestions are appreciated!!
    Thanks!!!!

    • Ahhhh! This is why I chose to do this post! There’s no way anyone would choose to be scrutinized for sharing something so private and special (which I have had plenty of with this post!) but I knew there would be mothers out there hoping to find a way that could ease them into THE TALK. So glad I took the risk! Yes! You buy up any books you need and make a comprehensive list and decide for YOU–and YOUR DAUGHTER just how much to share. You will know! You have that amazing God-given instinct to nurture your daughter as her mother. As you’re pondering, I know God will bless you! And as you’re actually talking with her, asking questions (probing for just how much she does know) you will have knowledge of what to say and do. And the money isn’t the important part–but a contract, and whatever idea you come up with will be meaningful and special. When my Mom was a child, her parents offered a special gold watch to their children. It could be anything meaningful or symbolic! I gave links to people who could do the promise necklaces at the bottom my post. Thank you so much for your comments. Please feel free to message me after receiving the contract if you have any additional questions. GOOD LUCK!

  28. I love this. While my girls are only 4 and 19 months I have already been dreading “the talk”. This post makes it sounds like a POSITIVE experience vs. something to dread. I would love a little more info if you don’t mind emailing? I don’t want to forget this!

    • Haha Meredith! This loomed in my mind forever! I so know the feeling. I was dreading it as well but this really did make a special experience for everyone. My girls talk with fondness about that day. I know your girls will remember their days when it’s the right time to talk with them. I’ll send the contract over!

  29. I really like this idea and have been bouncing around a few ideas in my head for a while. I would love a copy of your contract! Thank you!

  30. So happy to have found you on pinterest! This was a beautiful post! Any ideas for sharing a meaningful, positive conversation with a son? Love the contract idea! God is working through you in amazing ways! Would you mind sending a contract to me? Thank you!! Looking forward to reading more of your posts…you are an inspiration!

    • Hi Kimber! So glad you found us. Your comments mean more than you know. THANK YOU! My son is 7 and I have started to contemplate how to share these things with him in the next few years. I think first and foremost I want to make it a time when both my husband and I can be there. I can imagine we will have communicated with each other about what we’d like to share–making sure we’re on the same page and touching on EVERYTHING that needs talking about–including pornography, masturbation, etc. I really don’t think after age 8, there’s two young of an age to start talking and being open about these things, in my opinion! For a gift, I have thought about a special wooden engraved box, though someone mentioned a tie tack, or cuff links, or a key chain. All good ideas! I would love to hear if you find the perfect thing for your son! GOOD LUCK! Sending blessing your way. Thanks for stopping by!

  31. Thank you for your insight to this and how you did it. we are fast approaching this conversation, I was actually talking to my hubs this week about when we should talk to our daughter. I would love to look over the contract, would you mind emailing it to me?

    Thanks

  32. Loved this post! Think it is a wonderful way to approach this important topic. Would love to have a copy of the contract if you are still sharing . :-)
    Thx so much!

    • Yes, still sharing! I will send it over. Thanks for stopping by and for your comments!

  33. Thank you for sharing your personal experiences with your daughters. It was touching and tender and I wish my two daughters were still young enough to still need the talk so I could pattern our talks after yours. I think we got through them in a positive way, and much prayer helped to make it that way, but I love your contract and necklace idea. I think I still have time to do those if I do it as they enter Young Women’s perhaps. I would love a copy of your contract sent to my e-mail. Thank you again for sharing and being such a great influence for good in this world.

    • Aw what would we do without prayer? I don’t know how the rest of the world navigates without it. In my opinion, entering YW is the perfect time to do a contract/necklace idea–and especially in conjunction with the For The Strength of Youth Pamphlet. I will send my contract over. Best of luck!

  34. Thanks for the advice. My daughter is 8 now and I’ve wondered many times when to have “the talk.” This gave me a lot of good ideas. Thanks so much. I would love to get a copy of your contract too.

    • Thanks Kayla! It’s hard to know when the time is right, but chances are if you’re feeling those mother tugs then it’s probably close. Good luck with your efforts! I’ll send the contract over.

  35. Hi Katie! Loved this post. WAY to go girl! We too love those books and they were a GREAT resource when I had “the talk” with my 8yo daughter last year. We have found that since then, our conversations are WIDE open when it’s just me and her. I love it. Now, thinking about talking with my 7yo son next year has me all in butterflies. I’m not ready for that. They grow up too fast!!!!! Alas, better it come from us than from others. Thanks for the reminder. :) Can’t wait to see you more often when your house is done! :)

    • Thank you, Melissa! I so appreciate you stopping by and leaving your two cents! My boy is 7 too, and alas, it’s coming whether we realize it or not. I mentioned in a previous comment or two somewhere that I’m including my hubby for that one for sure! :)

  36. Fabulous! My oldest daughter just turned 9 and I have been thinking about all of this when she was baptized. I want to try this. I think all of it is so great and will make things easier for her and for me. Thank you for this.
    Brandi

    • Hi Brandi. Thanks for stopping by! Let me know if you want a copy of the contract to get you started. Best of luck!

  37. Thank you for a great post. As parents of girls, we must be on their side and give them tools to succeed! Love everything you and your husband have chosen to do with your girls. Children are a gift! Blessings!

    • Thank you for your comments and for stopping by! Yes they are! We feel very blessed to be the parents of children.

  38. I forgot to ask for a copy of the contract. I would love to see it and add our family touches too. By the way, James Avery Jewelry has a lot of beautiful purity/promise pieces. Rings, necklaces, bracelets and key chains for boys and girls. They are a faith based company, great quality pieces and customer service. Thanks again!!

    • I will send it over! And I can’t wait to check out the jewelry site. Thanks for providing that resource!

  39. Thanks for this great post and I am glad I stumbled upon it via Pinterest. I am LDS as well. My kids are 3 1/2, 2, and 6 months. I have a few years to think about how I will approach this, although I know it will come quickly. I really love how you focused on this being something AMAZING, because it really is! Being a mother, being able to create a child through the sacred powers of procreation is amazing. I hope I am able to have open communication with my children regarding this sacred, and amazing topic. I grew up never being comfortable talking to my parents about sex, and in high school it would have done me some good to understand some of the terms my peers were using that I was unsure of. I also think sharing this with your child around 8 is a good idea. I was formerly an elementary school teacher in grades 1-3 and kids learn too many things at recess. I want my kids to hear about sex from me, not another kid. Anyway, thanks again for sharing how you “gave the talk” to your girls. And, I am sorry some people are so rude through comments. You are doing a good thing through this blog! Thank you!

    • Thank you for your comments Alys! It reconfirms why I chose to have THE TALK when I did with my girls and why I feel so strongly about everything. I so appreciate you expressing what you did! THANK YOU!

  40. Thanks for your post. My son is 8 and I think he’s ready for the conversation. I like the idea of the contract. Please send me a copy. Thanks!

  41. I loved this so much. Thank you for sharing it. I would love a copy of the contract if you have a second to send it. Thanks so much!!!!

  42. I had a similar conversation with my now 10 year old daughter. We have a little note mailbox. Whenever she wants to send me private message (tattle on her brother, ask a question, etc.) She will write me a note and raise the flag. It has been a great way to have more honest open conversations. After a neighborhood picnic a couple of years ago, she wrote: I think I am going to hit my grows bert any day now. This led to our special conversation. I absolutely love the contract and promise necklace. If possible, would you send me the contract. Thank you so much for sharing your inspirational journey.

    • I love the idea of the note mailbox! What a great idea. And I loved hearing of your experience! I’m happy to send the contract. Thanks for stopping by!

  43. Thank you for the wonderful ideas and suggestions! I love it and want to do this with my girls, who are 8 & 9. Would you please send me the contract?
    I think I’ll share this with the moms of my Faith in God girls too!
    Prayers for all of our children as they journey through their teen years.
    Thanks again!
    Cheryl

    • Thank you for stopping by Cheryl! So happy to hear you think you can use this with your girls. We’re all in this together and it’s so important to be a support and blessing to others. Please tell the other moms I’m happy to share any info they need. Best of luck! I’ll send the contract.

  44. Great post! I love your approach. My son is 12, and we’ve already covered the talk, but I am definitely open to having another one to include the contract. (I’d love a copy, by the way)! I’m thinking that the boy gift could be a really cool set of dog tags…one with their name, or whatever, and the other with the word “promises.” On a long chain, worn under their shirt, it’s definitely something boys do. And then it’s something they can have with them as a constant reminder. Thanks again for the awesome ideas!

    • Love the idea of the dog tags! What a cool idea. Thank you for sharing! I will get the contract sent!

  45. I love this post, and i love the idea of it just being a talk between mother and daughter. I’m definitely going to check out those books. I have a 2 and a 4 year old, so i have a few years before “the talk”‘, but i want to be prepared. This topic is something the i think about alot, especially with all of the worldly conduct happening out in the open. Thanks again for sharing! If you do read this and have time, i would love a copy of the contract. Thanks much! Jami.naomi at gmail

    • I think it’s great you’re putting it in your mind to and heart to prepare early with your kids. I’ll send it your way!

  46. This is so timely, thank you for sharing! I would also like a copy of the contract! I am so grateful for your resource suggestions. My daughter is 8 and i know the Lord has been tugging at my heart to share this with her and be HER resource! Although i grew up in the most wonderful, God-centered home myself, we never discussed such things, and I have been nervous to have this talk. I want it to be different in our home, and be comfortable to discuss all things! Thank you!!

    • It’s amazing how those tuggings pull at our hearts sometimes! So glad you found this post in a timely manner. Makes me so happy to hear you want to use some of the ideas for inspiration. No doubt you can make this a special experience for your daughter! I’ll pass the contract along! GOOD LUCK!

  47. I recently had a similar experience with my daughter. She was asking questions about where babies came from and if they were made “by kissing”? I did a lot of reading as well and ask around I like one mothers advise that suggested calling it a special touch. My girl and I were alone at the park so I asked her to sit in the grass with me. I was so happy she had come to me with her questions and wanted to be the one to explain her this wonderful bond between a husband and a wife. I honestly like the contract and think you did a wonderful job with your girls! Incentive for good behavior can and does work as we have more discussions I teach my girl that sex is between a husband and wife and how premarital sex is a sin. Amazing story thank you for sharing.

    • I love that you shared your story and love the idea about the “special touch”. What a great way to explain things. And it sounds like you had an absolutely pleasant experience with your daughter. Wonderful! Thank you for your kind words!

  48. I’m so grateful for this post. My oldest is 5, I’ll definitely want to do “The Talk” like this and make it a special day. I really like the contract and necklace idea. What a great example you are as a mother, thank you for sharing. You’ve been an inspiration to me. Could I also get a copy of the contract? Thank you for your ideas:)

    • Thank you so much for your sweet words, Erica. They really mean a lot! I am happy to send the contract your way.

  49. Katie, I love this! I’ve read several of those books too and I love how you combined so much good from each of them. We’ve had “the talk” with our oldest but I wish I had known about these amazing books and ideas then. Thankfully- we can still talk about things and keep it open, which I love and am looking forward to improving this talk with the other two. You are so inspiring!!

    • Aw sweet Lori! What a fun surprise to have you leave a comment. I’m sure you are an amazing mother to your daughters! They are lucky to have you! Sending lots of love your way! xo

  50. this is amazing. i would love a copy of the contract. we have a boy so i would have to find a different “necklace” but i love this concept.

    • Thank you, Ana! Read back through some earlier comments and there are some ideas for boys. I will send you a copy! Good luck!

  51. This post brought me to tears. My oldest is 8 and was baptized earlier this year. Preparing for this has often popped into my head, but I thought I had a while to figure it out. I think I will do this with her next year, to go along with your Mother’s Day tie in. (Also, to prepare myself lol). I’m sorry people have judged you for this because I think it’s wonderful. I had my oldest when I was 18, and know the struggles that come from being a young mother. Though I’ll never regret having her, I’d prefer a different life for her. If you could please send me the contract I’d really appreciate it. Thank you so much for sharing!

    • Hi Kristen. Thanks so much for stopping by and sharing your story! It means more than you know. I will send it your way!

  52. What a beautiful way to celebrate God’s love for us with your daughters. I’ll never forget the way my mom told me and it’s wonderful to make it beautiful and not icky.

    • Oh so wonderful, Cortney! Love that you have a special memory with your Mom celebrating these special things. Thanks for your comment!

  53. I love this idea! I am several years away from this (we are expecting our first, a boy this fall). Do you have any sons? Have you done the same thing or different? I would also love to have a copy of your contract. This is something that I have been thinking about a lot because the same time I found out I was pregnant my sixteen year old niece found out she was pregnant as well. I really think if she had found out about things in the right way and had been taught more of dressing modestly this situation could have been avoided. Thanks again! I love the ideas!

    • Aw, good luck with your baby boy! Hope everything goes great. I really appreciate your comment and for stopping by. You can find some ideas back through the comments for boys. I’ll send you a copy. THANKS!

  54. Wow, this is perfect. I have been avoiding this for a while now, because I didn’t know just how to do it, but thanks to you, I can!! Everything from start to finish is well thought out and turning something that could be uncomfortable into something amazing. Can I get a copy of the contract? Thank you so much for this post. I love it!

    • Thanks Emily! So glad this is what you’ve been looking for. I will get a copy sent. Thanks for stopping by.

  55. Thank you. It is always helpful to see examples of ways we can talk to our children about such a sensitive subject. If we don’t teach them our views of sex, society certainly will teach them otherwise. I would love a copy of your contract to see if it will work for us.

  56. What a beautiful experience for you and your daughters. I have been thinking about how to approach this topic with my own eight year old daughter. I would love to see the entire contract you used if you don’t mind.

  57. Thank you so much for sharing that! Although my oldest is only 3, I have wondered how we will approach the subject when the right time comes! You have shared some great ideas! Would you mind emailing me a copy of the contract as well! Thanks so much!!

  58. That was beautiful. I would like to give my daughter an experience like this. Sex IS beautiful, or at least it should be, and we need to be teaching our children in a way that is open and beautiful like this, Good job Mom and thank you for sharing!

  59. Thanks so much for your post. It means so much! I will get the contract sent your way! xo

  60. Can’t tell you how much your comment means. Thanks for posting! I will send the contract over!

  61. Thanks for posting, Ginny! SO glad to hear we’ve inspired you. Good luck with your talk. Let me know if you want a copy of the contract.

  62. I love this idea! For another resource “The Princess and the Kiss” and “The Squire and the Scroll” by Jennie Bishop. I did an Achievement Days activity with necklaces and coloring with the princess book. I would love the contract too please. Wendyadams17@yahoo.com
    Thank you for sharing this special experience.

    • Thanks for your comment, Wendy! I cannot wait to check out those books! I will send the contract your way.

  63. Great! I love this! I am nervous having this conversation with my daughters and feel it’ll be happening quicker than I would like! On that note, I would love a copy of your contract! :) Thank you for sharing!

  64. I happened to see a comment where someone asked about what you might do for sons when they reach this age. My oldest is 7.5 and my hubby had the first round of talks with him. We used the book Raising a Modern Day Night as a guide for what ages are appropriate for what information. We love the ceremonial nature of this author’s talks, reminding me of Boys Scouts meets Wild At Heart. Anyway, the gift he gave my son was a Swiss Army Knife. He said that it’s a tool just like our bodies. We have the choice whether to use it for good or evil. It is our choice how we use such tools. We also introduced some new expectations like more household responsibilities.

    Even so, I would still LOVE to have a copy of your contract. Thank you so much for sharing in spite of the critics. I appreciate it!

  65. I love every minute of your talk and I would love if you could send me a copy of the contract. I think that’s an amazing incentive and what a great way to bond with your daughters. One question, any advice for those of us with boys too?

  66. My parents never had “the” talk with me. But they did offer me $500 if I didn’t drink alcohol or smoke until I was 21. One of my older brothers and I made it, one brother did not. Now that I am 23, I realize I had a pretty great deal – I don’t even like the taste of alcohol and was recently diagnosed with asthma; smoking would’ve been a terrible idea! I love the $$ reward for not drinking or smoking; I think it’s weird to add the purity stipulation though. But that’s just me.

  67. Thank you for the post and being a parent. Your heart is in the right place and doing what is best for your family. In these days with have to give our children what we can to succeed in life. With a 7 yr old son and 4 yr old daughter I know this talk will come sooner rather than later. Thank you for providing your experience and giving us ideas on how to address the topic with our children

  68. Thank you so much for sharing. I have 2 daughters, and although they are 9 months and 4 1/2 years old, I know I will be having the same talk before I know it. Thank you for the wonderful ideas. Could I please get a coy of the contract?
    Thank you!!!

  69. Absolutely beautiful. My parents never had the talk with me because they were embarrassed by the topic but reading this post makes me look forward to a time I am able to speak to my children about sex. Thank you for sharing your experience!

  70. Thank you for sharing. I’ve been thinking about how to go about having this conversation. I would love a copy of the contract. Thanks again!

    • Hi Michelle! There have been several people comment that a special box, or key chain, pocket watch or knife, might be special and significant for a boy. My boy is 7 so I plan on posting something similar when he get older. I would love to hear if you find or think of something great. Good lucK!

  71. Great stuff I wish more mothers were more open and willing to teach there daughters more. I am totaly for it in all ways even willing to help

  72. Pingback: The importance of talking to your kids about sex. | Motivated Decor

  73. I read through tears. This has been on my heart for days now and knowing that this day is fast approaching has me all in a mess lol. My girl will be 8 at the end of summer (how did the time slip away so quickly?) My hearts desire and prayer is that I (we) can present everything to her with a Christ centered approach and impress upon her the foundations of purity and grace and the beauty of what love within a marriage can be. Thank you so much for sharing this. It is such a beautiful and memorable way to make that day a very special day. I feel like I did when I was pregnant -searching and gathering all of the information I thought I would need ( ironically, I feel just as stressed and anxious hahaha) Your post is by far at the top of my research pile. Thank you again. You have blessed my day and I would love a copy of your contract if you don’t mind.

    • Becky-Thank you so much for this heartfelt comment. I am so happy to know that this post has blessed your life. Wishing you every blessing that your experience goes well with your daughter! I’ll send a copy of the contract over. xo

  74. I have never left a comment on a blog in my whole life- I hope I am doing it right! I suppose I am a little vintage myself :) I just felt like your approach rang true with me. I really appreciate all that you have shared, it has been so helpful, I didn’t know where to start and now I feel like I know almost exactly what direction I would like to go with this. Could I please get a copy of the contract- I think that part fits so well into my 9 year olds personality. I have been procrastinating this for so long- I am almost excited, I should have done this a while ago. Sorry, that long winded post was supposed to say THANK YOU !!!

    • I feel honored to be your first comment! You did it perfectly. Thank you so much for taking the time to write. I will send the contract your way. Best of luck with your efforts to teach your daughter! Sending blessings your way.

  75. Thanks for sharing these very special days with us mothers who’ve yet to have “that talk” with their daughters! I’ve been struggling with how to approach this with my almost 8 year old. I also had a difficult time finding any good books that either gave too little or too much information on a first introduction into sex, as well as matching our own values. It’s hard for a person who was never taught in this way about sex, but having a mother who was molested as a child, was taught to fear it and think of it as bad and never want to talk about it with her children. I love most of the things you did, and as you said, you put this out there as an example so I won’t mention the things I wouldn’t do. Suffice it to say I will be looking at these books and planning a special day with my daughter this summer!

  76. Thanks I have been thinking I needed to do this after hearing a talk. The guy said it’s better to have a gate at the top of the stairs then an ambulance waiting at the bottom. He also said imagine the age you should talk to your kids about Sex and they’ve already heard it. I have a 12 year old and it worked out great to talk to her when she was almost 9. My next daughter is much different so I knew I needed to change how we did it, I feel like I know now what to do. We happen to already be going on a mom daughter date tonight.

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